DIOCESAN ASSEMBLY 2026

New Agenda for Spiritual Renewal

(or: How Likes Can Save the Diocese) 

INVITATION TO THE FIRST TRIENNIAL ASSEMBLY OF THE EASTERN AMERICAN DIOCESE

Friday, March 13 – Saturday, March 14, 2026

Holy Archangel Michael Serbian Orthodox Church, Akron, Ohio. 

The Eastern American Diocese announces the agenda for the annual diocesan assembly. As every year, Bishop Irinej has a vision. This time, that vision is particularly... inspirational.  The official invitation mentions the "icon of the likeness of the Heavenly Kingdom" and "spiritual gathering of clergy and faithful." But the real agenda? It's a bit different. 

THE REAL AGENDA:  COUNTING LIKES (Time: 2:00 PM – 2:30 PM, Friday)

Bishop Irinej will present the annual report on likes, comments, and overall engagement on social media. This is, of course, the most important indicator of the diocese's spiritual health.  Because, as we all know, it is said: "By their likes you shall know them." (Twitter 3:16)  For nine years in a row, the bishop has given this report. For nine years in a row, likes have grown while parishes have declined. But likes! Likes are what matter!  The diocese lost $5.4 million? Don't worry — we have 500 new Instagram followers!

Monastery Marcha owed $230,000 in taxes? Everything's fine — episcopal.org has an excellent engagement rate!

Folklore group Serbia kicked out? No big deal — the Christmas video got a gazillion views!

120 families standing outside every Sunday? Okay — but the Facebook post about unity has 87 likes!  Bishop Irinej, seriously, sincerely, and completely without irony, believes that likes represent success. This is not satire. He really reports on this every year. He truly thinks likes will win. 

INCREASING THE ASSESSMENT (RAZREZ)

(Time: 3:00 PM – 6:00 PM, Friday — "Reports and First Working Session")

The bishop will propose an increase in the diocesan assessment (razrez).  Does he really think people will donate to a squanderer?  Let's imagine the following:

If everyone who votes and decides on raising the assessment tried to imagine it was their own personal money — and had some financial advisor or broker to whom they had invested their personal money for 9 years in a row, and all 9 years were at a loss — would they invest even more when the same investor asks for it?  Of course not. Any reasonable person would fire that broker after the first year of losses.  But Bishop Irinej believes that parishes — which have witnessed 9 years of financial decline, 9 years of losses, 9 years of destroying $2 million funds, 9 years of growing debts — will joyfully give even more money.  Maybe he thinks likes will pay the bills? Maybe he expects Instagram followers to cover Marcha's taxes? Maybe the engagement rate will pay the assessment? 

COLLECTING SIGNATURES OF SUPPORT

(Time: 2:00 PM – 3:00 PM, Saturday — "Final Working Session and Departures")

This item on the agenda is classic. Bishop Irinej loves to collect signatures of support.  When he had a dispute with the St. Sava parish in New York and their priest Fr. Živojin Jakovljević, he forced the clergy to sign a petition supporting him — the bishop.  Fortunately, the late Patriarch Irinej threw it in the trash.  We wish Patriarch Porfirije would do the same.  Because when a bishop forces clergy to sign a petition supporting him personally — that's not an expression of support. That's an expression of fear. It's not unity. It's coercion.  A true shepherd does not seek a petition of support. A true shepherd earns support through his deeds, his love, his sacrifice. Not through his likes.

THE ACTUAL SCHEDULE (For Those Wondering):

Friday, March 13:

9:00 AM – Great Hours and Confession of Clergy

12:00 PM – Lunch and Registration

2:00 PM – Invocation of the Holy Spirit (and Counting Likes)

3:00 PM – Reports and First Working Session (Increasing the Assessment)

6:30 PM – Vespers

7:30 PM – Dinner  Saturday, March 14:

9:00 AM – Hierarchical Divine Liturgy

11:30 AM – Continental Breakfast

1:00 PM – Guest Speaker

2:00 PM – Final Working Session and Departures (Collecting Signatures) 

CONCLUSION:

This session reveals everything you need to know about the Eastern American Diocese under Bishop Irinej:  Likes are more important than parishes.

The assessment increases while money is lost.

Support is demanded by petition, not earned.  While parishes decline, while families stand outside, while children cry, while funds disappear, while debts grow.  We are counting likes.